Self Discovery

The last couple weeks, with so many things happening at once I have been finding ways to cope with stress. I will say it has been a process and a time of self discovery. I’ve been exploring with new methods of coping with stress and time to slow down. It’s been a me time. Some of the things I have been doing is setting everything aside when I can’t concentrate and taking walks to the beach, to the meditation gardens, lots of journaling and even arts and crafts. It allows me to slow down and to clear my mind.

Arts and crafts has never been fun but at this point in my life I discovered that I enjoy it. I am not good at it, but I got pleasure out of experimenting, making a mess, feeling the texture of glitter, paint and glue all over my fingers. One of the things with arts and crafts that have intimidated me in the past has been trying to be perfect, but I realized that what ever i create is unique, there is no right or wrong. After having so much fun I even signed up for an art class next month. I bought my own set of acrylic paints and been trying different things. Life in general is the same, we wont know whether we find joy in things if we don’t try. We might fail, but trying again can lead to success.

Some  steps  that can  help you set your intention for self-discovery:

1. Identify what you love — You are your most pure self in a state of love. Think back over your life, from the time you were a child until today: What people, things or activities have inspired deep love in you? Try something new that has intimidated you in the past.
2. Discover what brings you joy — You are your most true self in a state of delight. What makes you laugh, smile or feel giddy is pure reflex and comes from a deep part of you. Think back over your life, from the time you were a child until today: What people, things or activities have inspired an enormous feeling of pleasure in you?
3. Incorporate love and joy into your daily life — When you identify what inspires love and joy in you, the next natural step is experiencing those things as often as possible. Doing this will connect you to that core authentic self on a regular basis.
4. Share your love and joy with others — Living in alignment with your core self means living in the outward expression of who you are. Consider now, how you can include others in the experience or benefits of what brings you love and joy. Invite friends to participate with you in that activity.

Through this practice I have discovered that I have a creative side to me that brings me joy and that I can enjoy with friends, as a way to connect or on my own. Identifying and understanding the things I like allows me me to see the beauty in things and to appreciate everything around me. It has allowed me to connect with myself.

Finding Purpose

Have you ever asked yourself what is your purpose in life?

The end of the semester is near, and even though writing about the meaning of life and what is my purpose gives me anxiety it also releases me at the same time. At first, I tried so hard to give insight to other people around me about the meaning of life,  that I was completely neglecting myself. I am at the end of my program, yet I am scared, not knowing what lies ahead of me. I love what I am currently doing, but do I move on or do I continue doing what I am doing? I currently work at a Retreat Center and in the evening do ABA therapy with children with Autism.It’s rewarding and I get to implement my theological and psychological components of my academics.

Today we are more anxious and stressed about things than ever before. We worry about everything. But the guilt we feel, the anxiety, is nothing more than the guilt one experiences when keeping the game going on. The game of disguise. The game of hide and seek. We have lost our sense of self. We cannot be ourselves, instead, we are what society tells us to be. We have forgotten how to stop and think about who we truly are, and it’s entirely our fault. In the midst of all of that, how do we find purpose. In my opinion, it’s a matter of reflecting and exploring?

Some steps to finding purpose:

1) Reflecting within ourselves is the only way to know who we really are.

2) Even if we have figured it all out and our beliefs are far superior to other peoples’, we should not impinge on them because everyone has a reason to believe in what they believe in.

3) Having faith in yourself leads to one of the most important asset we should have: self-confidence

4 ) Our life cannot be meaningful or purposeful if we live according to standards that society set up. We must stay true to our character and live up to our own values.

5) Following our heart and what God calls us to. This reminded me of the St. Francis prayer. Leting God use me as an instrument. I have learned this through ministry.

St. Francis Prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life

Mindful minute

Finding beauty in the unexpected

The last few weeks have been very challenging for me. It’s the time of the year that I tend to stress out due to school. Aside from school other things in my personal life have not been working out as I expected them too. It’s a time when i turn more to prayer practices and alone time trying to find answers and comfort.

In the midst of all of that, a few days ago I was heading to my ABA therapy session. I was tired and hungry. When I arrived I was greeted by the client and parents. I started filling out my paperwork and setting up for session. We worked on some goals then it was break time. For break my patient wanted to go take a walk. That made me happy because I love being outdoors. We approached a small water pond and the first thing that caught my attention was a purple lotus flower. I love lotus flowers because of their symbolic meaning, I even have a lotus tattoo but I had never seen an actual flower. This gave me hope and help me realized how there are so many beautiful things in this life that we don’t embrace because we get so caught up in our routines. I turned and looked at my patient and I saw beauty in him. I put aside all my challenges and negativity and appreciated what i had in front of me. I reflected and realized that it’s such a blessing to be part of this children’s lives. Being autistic, they are gifted in so many ways and talented. Every day I learn from them. That day i saw the beauty in the lotus but most importantly in my patient. I have been working with children with autism for over 4 years. Throughout the years the children I have interacted with vary from severe to mild autism. I have been kicked, hair pulled, and dealt with so many behaviors but at the end of the day I have never thought about giving up that work. I love what I do.

Lately, as I transition from career I have been thinking a lot on what I will be doing next. For sure I know I don’t wan’t to give up working with children with developmental disabilities. These patients, each facing the unimaginable, revealed beauty where we might least expect to find it.

Creating my UN-DO list & Self- Care

What’s an UN-DO list?

For me, a UN-do list is a way of bringing self-care to my awareness. How do i manage it? By  bullet journaling, I give myself permission to do less, worry less, and be my imperfect self. For the past year I have been journaling a lot and it has become part of my routine. It helps me become more aware of my habits and the things I can be managing better.

For example:

Try listing things you want to STOP letting into your life:

• Bad habits
• Insecurities
• Self-doubt
• Making excuses for other people
• Taking on too much
• Getting stuck in “Doing” mode when you need some “Being” time
• Letting other people/outside situations determine your feelings

That’s an example of a list I have made for myself. Then i go back and fill it in with specifics. This is a good way to start getting an idea. Bullet journal is the most logical place to start a self-assessment; after all, it maintains a record of your daily life, interests, and goals.

OTHER WAYS TO BRING SELF-CARE TO YOUR JOURNAL

• Make your UN-do List. You can fill it with whatever you want to see LESS of in your life.
• Physical self-care: Keep a list of activities to energize your body and keep it healthy. Yoga & running are my top picks, but you can choose anything you like.
• Mental self-care: Keep a list of affirmations, compliments, quick meditative exercises to help you focus & reconnect, map out ways to unload mental & physical clutter.
• Spiritual self-care: keep lists for gratitude, unexpected beautiful things, memorable moments, prayers, etc.

Self-care is crucial for our well-being. It’s easy to neglect taking care of ourselves because when we’re busy and overwhelmed, even a small reprieve feels like a luxury. So actually taking time to eat lunch, exercise, and hang out with friends? That just feels like slacking.

• Self Care prevents “overload burnout”:We’ve all been there: you push yourself to the point that you can’t take anymore so you just give up. Self care helps you avoid getting to that point.
• Self care reduces the negative effects of stress: A small amount of stress can serve a purpose, but after a while, it just breaks down your mind and body. Taking care of yourself means keeping your stress from taking over so you can function at full capacity.
• Self care helps you refocus: When I was stuck on a complicated math problem in school, my teacher would suggest walking away and coming back—taking a break, basically.

Holy Thursday Reflection

Tonight we celebrate the gift of the Eucharist- the Last Supper.  And, tonight, we also celebrate the gift of ministry.  We are not only “the gifted” tonight.  We are given a lesson in how we are to give ourselves to and for each other.

The simplicity of the Gospel story works in tandem with the first two readings.  The first reading sets the scene of the Passover and the second reading resonates with the familiar words of the Eucharist.  Given that backdrop we are free to enjoy John’s account of that special night as Jesus summarizes by his actions all that he had taught them in the previous three years.

This gospel has a dramatic feel to it.  John doesn’t tell us that Jesus gave us his body and blood and then, after the supper, washed his disciples’ feet.  John, unlike the other gospel writers, doesn’t mention the gift of the Eucharist at all!  This is not an omission.  This story of the washing of the feet IS the story of the Eucharist.  They are identical for John.  This story explains the Eucharist.  It tells us what it really means to be Eucharist for one another.  By washing his disciples’ feet, Jesus is saying by his actions, “This is my body; This is my blood”   given for you.  And, his words say, “I have given you a model to follow, so that, as I have done for you, you should also do.”  The foot washing is a reminder of the meaning of love, a re-focusing of our call to discipleship, and a powerful symbol of the meaning of Eucharist.

This is why on this special night we act out the Gospel.  We need to act it out, to feel it deeply in our hearts, to let the experience of seeing it happen, touch us at our core, so we can understand the breadth of its meaning.  At the time of surrendering his life, Jesus washes the feet of his friends.  By being broken and given for us in the Eucharist, Jesus is giving us an example and a commandment for how we are to be broken and given for each other, by washing each other’s feet. In today’s society, we get caught up in our busyness that we forget the importance of giving up ourselves for others.

In our day, perhaps we need to look at foot washing a little differently since it isn’t a common practice for us.  It is not easy to have our feet washed or tended to. But the lesson we learn in the foot washing is that Jesus loves us unconditionally.  He loves us, not because we deserve it.  He loves us because we need loving and he knows it.  He tells us to love the same way.

Tonight we are given his Eucharistic self-sacrificing example of how to humbly love each other.  As he washes the feet of his friends he teaches us:  “Love each other this completely, this freely, loving the most unattractive parts of each other, where love is needed most.”  Be a servant to one another.

Peter, who is so like us, objects because he doesn’t want Jesus washing his dirty feet and perhaps we don’t want our awkward ugly feet washed.  Jesus doesn’t ask if he MAY wash Peter’s feet.  There is urgency about the act. “Unless I wash you”, he says, “you will have no inheritance with me.”  And what is the inheritance Jesus speaks of – it is that deep and giving love.  Jesus must do this for Peter.  Jesus tells Peter—and us—that we must have our feet washed; we must let Jesus be servant if we are ever to understand what we are called to be.  Tonight, like Peter, we must choose to agree to this action of love, to open our hearts.  We don’t want to hold back, hold away from Jesus those unpresentable parts inside of us.    Like Peter we want to say “Wash all of me with your love.”  Fill our hearts.  Push out all of the fear and anxiety, all of the anger and frustration, all the pettiness and selfishness.  Fill us tonight, Lord, so that we might learn how to love others this selflessly, to kneel before others in such humility.

On this special night, Jesus, on his knees before his friends, did the work of a servant – here is where we see the true image of Christ.  May others see that image in us “as we do what he has done for us”.

I invite you to take a moment and reflect on how you can be a better servant and give yourself to others. How to love and be loved.

 

Appreciating Loneliness

When was the last time you were lonely?

Everyone experiences loneliness at some time. It’s a common denominator in the equation of life. It’s also something no one likes to feel, so our natural response is to run from it, avoid it or deny it by filling our lives with a million distractions. Lately I’ve been feeling lonely even though I am surrounded by great people, but I’ve comes to appreciate it and embrace it. Loneliness is not a bad thing.

Sometimes it’s not about being lonely but about withdrawing into lonely places. I appreciate loneliness because it’s a time when I can reflect and think about changes in my life. Loneliness can also cause us to appreciate the beauty of others in a new way.

Loneliness can open us to a deeper knowledge of God’s love.

Just as physical solitude helps us to hear God’s voice, the inner solitude produced from loneliness can open us up to a deeper knowledge of God’s love when we get alone with Him.

I have to be honest. There are times when I’m lonely that I try finding things to do, as going to the movies or mall just to be around people. At first, I was intimidated by the loneliness feeling.  Because facing loneliness can feel threatening, like squaring off with a mean bully who presses me into a corner and makes me look at things about myself that I don’t want to see. However, I’ve learned that when I embrace my loneliness and hold the hand of God, I don’t fall into a pit of despair like I feared. Rather, I find His comfort, hearing His voice of love and healing for my broken places.

What do we miss when we run from loneliness and refuse to invite God into it? Ironically, the pain we try to avoid by running can create an even greater inner chaos. We need time alone with God when we are lonely. It’s a beautiful time to get to deepen your relationship with God and with yourself.

For the last few years I have been socially engaged in multiple ministries, volunteer activities and other events that my “social calendar” was packed. But in the last year I have slowed down. I love keeping busy but now I am reflecting and asking myself if i was using busyness to hide from personal pain and loneliness. Now in my loneliness I can appreciate what I have and what I love.  God calls us to live balanced lives in which we are not afraid of solitude or loneliness and neither are we afraid to be with others. It just takes time to embrace it and appreciate you.

I invite you to disconnect yourself from your social busyness for a day.

Luke 5:16 says, “Jesus withdrew into lonely places and he prayed.”

Finding Hope in Spring’s Promise

I look all around and I see flowers everywhere! Gives me allergies but all the scents and colors bring me joy. I see spring as the season of hope.

Every year, excited I await for spring, it’s a time when I can plant my garden in my small backyard. First I start with my tomato plants. I like to dry out the seeds from a tomato and then plant them. In a few weeks I get multiple sprouts that I can start planting on the ground and on individual pots. It’s a process, it takes time, dedication and nourishment.  It amazes me how a process like this requires patience. In a way it reminds me of life and growing up. Our parents invest time and resources on us to see us grow and bear fruits. Once growing up it’s our responsibility to continue nourishing ourselves and becoming who we are called to be.

I was always trying to figure out my dream and my calling. For the longest time i thought i didn’t know who I was or what I wanted out of life. It took time to figure it out. It was actually Spring time of 2014 that i discovered my calling and motivation. I work with children with developmental disabilities. That has given me purpose and joy. Spring is the time of new life. New shoots of grass break through the hard ground, new buds form on the trees, new animal babies are born. Spring is the time when the world slowly shows signs of life again after a long winter. Before you know it the small changes add up and the world is transformed.  I have seen a lot of that hope and transformation in my own life. I feel that I have more energy and motivation in during this season. The change of Spring is a beautiful picture of what Jesus does in our hearts when we repent of our sins and give our lives to Him. He changes us until we are no longer spiritually dead, but alive and beautiful and flourishing in Him. He gives us new life and transforms us when we ask Him to forgive our sins, and Spring reflects that.

Finding God in nature

This past weekend I took a road trip with one of my brothers. Him and I visited Prescott and Sedona in the state of Arizona. For me, the best part of the trip was spending time with my brother and getting to know him as well as enjoying the scenic views. My brother is going away for college in a few months and I wanted to do something with him in which we would connect and at the same time have a great time. Him and I have a lot of interests in common, we enjoy nature. We left California and ventured out to Northern Arizona, where we had a chance to disconnect from the busy city life.

On one of the days in Arizona we visited Sedona, it was a destination I’ve always wanted to visit. I was amazed by the beauty all around. It is one of the most beautiful places that I’ve visited. The red cliffs, the trails, the quietness. It struck me to go from the city life that I live in and lights to the beautiful place of nature filled with mystery. Totally a place conducive to meditation. It is a perfect place for spiritual and personal enrichment of the body and soul.

Through the mountains and noises from different animals I heard an invitation to embrace the life of adventure and challenge that God was placing before me. I heard the voice of God.For many people, nature is actually the primary way they deeply connect with God. For me it was, it allowed me to be present in the moment. Just being there increased my awareness of God. Looking at the massive rock formations I was moved to reflect upon the rock-solid faithfulness of God. I could feel His gentleness as the breeze blew through the trees.  I try to connect with God at home through prayer or contemplation, but I still feel disconnected. Being immersed in a natural setting I felt more connected. In an age of increasing urbanization and technology takeover, it can be a lot of effort to pursue God in nature. Time away from life and tasks in the city can feel selfish. I need frequent reminders of the difference nature makes in my experience of God in order to keep it as a priority.

“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it.

Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.”                                                                                                                          Psalm 96:11-12

Slowing down and enjoying the moment

Lately I have been very anxious do to the fact that I will be done with my masters program in May. I have been over thinking of what’s  the next step in my academic life. I usually tend to think to much of the future and forget about the things that need my attention in the present.

I went hiking and as I stared at the trail ahead of me I reflected on my own life journey and not knowing what lays ahead of me. As I kept walking and enjoying the warm day and my surroundings I started to focus on all the different types of plants and flowers around me. My mind slowed down and just focused on the moment. I realized that living and enjoying the moment is crucial to our well being. I some something special in all the plants, birds and people that I encountered. I walked for about 45 minutes, then turned back. I did not reach the end of the trail. At first that bugged me because I still didn’t know where it led to or how much longer until the end of it, but at that point I was at peace with myself and it just felt time to turn around.

Reflecting afterwards I thought of how often in my life I want to know what is ahead of me, and I miss the important moments with my surrounding and loved ones because of that.I get caught up with the little things. This reminded me of the story about Mary and Martha found in Luke 10:38-42. Sometimes our true serviced is fogged by the busyness that we get caught up in.  Mary “sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching” (v. 39). Martha, on the other hand, “was distracted with much serving” (v. 40). When Martha asked Jesus to rebuke Mary and help her serve, Jesus said “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her”. This passage helps me reflect on what is important and helps me to slow down on my daily routine and just enjoy the moments. Having faith and focusing on the present helps us get one step at a time to where we will get.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

-Matthew 11:28-